Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sunday Funnies

I got these in an email and thought they were to good to keep to myself... Enjoy!!!

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for  $400.00
I said "May I have large bills,  please"

She  looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are  the same size."
When I got up off the floor I  explained it to her....

When  my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to  pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked  in it.  We went to the service department and found  a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side  door. As I  watched from the passenger side, I  instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that  it was unlocked.  'Hey,' I announced to the  technician, 'it's open!'  His reply: 'I know. I already got that  side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The  Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was  that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I  thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest  one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.  

He  shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a  1/4  horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.  
He  said, 'NO, it's  not..' Four is larger than  two.'   
We haven't used Sears repair since.

   My  daughter and I went through the McDonald's  take-out window and I gave the clerk  a $5 bill.  
Our  total was $4.25, so I also handed her a  quarter.

She  said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know,  but this way you can just give me a dollar bill  back.  
She  sighed and went  to get the manager, who asked me  to repeat my request.
I  did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said  'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'  
The  clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in  change.  
  Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.  

I  live in a semi rural area.
We  recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to  request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The  reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out  here!
I  don't  think this is a good place for  them to  be crossing anymore.'


My  daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  
She  asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal  lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had  iceberg lettuce.


I  was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an  airport employee asked,
'Has  anyone put anything in your baggage without your  knowledge?'
To   which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how  would I know?'
He  smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we  ask.'

The  stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross  the street.
I  was  crossing with an intellectually challenged  coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer  was for.
I  explained that it signals blind people when the light is  red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

At  a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was  leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'  
our  manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun.. We should  do this more often.'
Not  another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights  stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and  for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.


How  would you pronounce this child's name?
Leah?? NO
Lee -  A?? NOPE
Lay -  a??  NO  
Lei??   Guess Again.

This  child attends a school in Kansas City, MO
Her  mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's  pronounced "Ledasha".
When  the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."   

SO, if you see something come across your desk  like this please remember to pronounce the dash.  

If  dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
Gotta Run,


mmpaints said...

That is absolutely hysterical! The sad thing is, there's thousands of people out there exactly like that.